This section is really for my benefit only, so unless you're a budding inventor or keen to learn how to advise inventors, look away now....

I am a partially qualified patent attorney/agent.  This means that I draft applications for patents, trade mark registrations and registered designs on behalf of companies and individuals.  Once such applications have been filed, I then get to argue with examiners at the relevant IP office (in the nicest possible way) on behalf of my clients to get them the broadest protection for their rights possible.

Once they have obtained protection, I then assist in enforcing those rights against third party companies and individuals who may be infringing them.

Here's my particular favourite application from the ones I've drafted (most of them are hideously tedious cardboard packaging articles and car components:

Front page with image (click on arrows at top for my full purple prose) 

More amusing (and less tasteless) patents here.